I think I'm a pretty strong-willed person. I know what I want and what I believe, and it takes a big old push for me to budge. However, my strong will has never been so assaulted as it has been lately by my 3 1/2 year old, also strong-willed, second born. I have kept up a pretty good fight with him even though my strong will has given in to the survival mode of late pregnancy. But Joey's been pulling some stunts that I just can't let slide, and it's been a hard, hard two weeks with him.
Issue #1: Obedience
Colossians 3:20 says "Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord." I think this verse is more for parents than for kids. A three year old cannot pick up a Bible, read this, and follow it. The child's parents, however, can raise the child in an environment where obedience is an expectation and a way of family life. We expect Joey to obey when we give him an instruction (age appropriate instruction is key!), and when he doesn't obey, there is a consequence. We fell into the rut of issuing consequences for not obeying (and there were a lot of them!), thus resulting in negative reinforcement: the only attention he got for any behavior was negative because we weren't taking time to positively reinforce his good behaviors.
Anyway, yesterday we started a simple obedience reward chart with 30 empty squares. When he obeys at the first time we ask him to do something (anything from cleaning up to going potty to getting jammies on), he gets a sticker. After 6 stickers (which he got today), he got a mini-reward of a popsicle. There will be more "along the way" mini-rewards to continue propelling him, and at the end of the 30 stickers, he'll get a bigger reward.
Most of the time the stickers have been working the last two days. But this afternoon, we had a big battle of the wills that was ugly... tired Momma was just about to give in, waving the white flag of defeat in front of a teary-eyed, snotty-nosed, too-tired child. Nothing makes me more mad than losing the battle to the kids!! I'm the parent... I should win!
In the meantime...
Issue #2: Pooping on the toilet
Joey has been tinkle trained for awhile now, and he's pooped a couple times on the toilet. He can't stay dry yet through naps and overnight, so he has to have a diaper for sleeping. Well, the little booger was saving the #2s for the diaper and we are tired of it! We started doing what we did with Ben when he was having trouble going in the toilet, and this was per the recommendation of Ben's pre-school teacher: what goes in the diaper belongs in the toilet, and the child must move the contents of the diaper into the toilet himself. Yes, with the hand. For Ben, doing this two times fixed him. But Mr. Strong Will Joey, even though he beside himself having to do this nasty task at least 5 times now, still hasn't given in to solve the poop dilemma.
Back to the story from earlier today, I was very defeated. Defeated by lack of a lack of obedience. Defeated by tiredness. Defeated by poop. Momma was losing. Strong willed Mommas don't lose. I was just about ready to put the battles aside for another day when a miracle happened.
Joey pooped on the toilet. No advanced warning given, no help needed.
I won.
I can continue to win. Just the shot in the arm I needed to keep on him.
I don't want him to be a good boy now.
I want him to be a good man when he grows up.
And it starts right here, right now.
Issue #1: Obedience
Colossians 3:20 says "Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord." I think this verse is more for parents than for kids. A three year old cannot pick up a Bible, read this, and follow it. The child's parents, however, can raise the child in an environment where obedience is an expectation and a way of family life. We expect Joey to obey when we give him an instruction (age appropriate instruction is key!), and when he doesn't obey, there is a consequence. We fell into the rut of issuing consequences for not obeying (and there were a lot of them!), thus resulting in negative reinforcement: the only attention he got for any behavior was negative because we weren't taking time to positively reinforce his good behaviors.
Anyway, yesterday we started a simple obedience reward chart with 30 empty squares. When he obeys at the first time we ask him to do something (anything from cleaning up to going potty to getting jammies on), he gets a sticker. After 6 stickers (which he got today), he got a mini-reward of a popsicle. There will be more "along the way" mini-rewards to continue propelling him, and at the end of the 30 stickers, he'll get a bigger reward.
Most of the time the stickers have been working the last two days. But this afternoon, we had a big battle of the wills that was ugly... tired Momma was just about to give in, waving the white flag of defeat in front of a teary-eyed, snotty-nosed, too-tired child. Nothing makes me more mad than losing the battle to the kids!! I'm the parent... I should win!
In the meantime...
Issue #2: Pooping on the toilet
Joey has been tinkle trained for awhile now, and he's pooped a couple times on the toilet. He can't stay dry yet through naps and overnight, so he has to have a diaper for sleeping. Well, the little booger was saving the #2s for the diaper and we are tired of it! We started doing what we did with Ben when he was having trouble going in the toilet, and this was per the recommendation of Ben's pre-school teacher: what goes in the diaper belongs in the toilet, and the child must move the contents of the diaper into the toilet himself. Yes, with the hand. For Ben, doing this two times fixed him. But Mr. Strong Will Joey, even though he beside himself having to do this nasty task at least 5 times now, still hasn't given in to solve the poop dilemma.
Back to the story from earlier today, I was very defeated. Defeated by lack of a lack of obedience. Defeated by tiredness. Defeated by poop. Momma was losing. Strong willed Mommas don't lose. I was just about ready to put the battles aside for another day when a miracle happened.
Joey pooped on the toilet. No advanced warning given, no help needed.
I won.
I can continue to win. Just the shot in the arm I needed to keep on him.
I don't want him to be a good boy now.
I want him to be a good man when he grows up.
And it starts right here, right now.
Comments
Post a Comment